Jared Singer

 

Jared Singer is a poet and audio engineer who lives in nyc. While he may have physically grown up with his peers, he has never forgotten the imagination, magic, and nerdiness that were corner stones of his childhood. He hopes to remind others of these more creative times. He has also appeared on the Indiefeed Peformance Poetry Podcast.

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Three Poems (February 20, 2009. Issue 14.)

The Only Love Poem I Will Ever
Admit to Having Written, Version 2

If a Texas Instruments TI-83 calculator
is a love machine, then I’m stuck somewhere
back in the realm of the abacus.
Let me explain, see I know how I feel about you 1,
I know the signals I’m sending 2,
I’m adding them together
and I know the answer should be 3.
But somehow you don’t love me.

I think I’m coming on a little too strong,
Let me try again, this time,
coming at you from a linguistic historian’s perspective.
you’re speaking to me in Latin,
a tongue I don’t understand but I think
is beautiful anyway. I’m speaking to you in German,
a language that makes up in honesty what lacks in subtlety,
I don’t understand why we can’t come together
and create English. I know,
it won’t be as beautiful as you alone.
Nothing is, but I think, it’s something we could both be
proud of. I mean I know I would be.

Now I know I’m coming on too strong,
But you’re a one and I’m nothing but a zero.
I don’t understand why we can’t come together as binary.
Are our operating systems just too different?
Or is my information just formatted wrong.
Please, let me know, because for you, I’d be anything,
I’d be a CD, a DVD, I’d even be an Iomega Flash drive.
You just got to let me know.
I don’t understand why a big nerd can’t get a little love.

P.S.-The post script to my existence.
This is dedicated to the woman of my dreams.
I haven’t met you yet,
but I just wanted to leave you this little footnote.
explaining to you,
why I never tell you that I love you.

I’m afraid if you ever find out how much you really mean
you’ll disappear faster than the monsters
under a child’s bed when his parents turn on the light.
Because that’s what you are to me.
You’re the boogie man that comes to get
my self-loathing whenever it forgets what I’m really worth,
you’re the sand man that’s coming to put to rest forever
my fears for tomorrow.
Most importantly you’re the vampire that’s going to
lay with me till morning, prove that not all
nightmares should be feared.
I’m terrified what a love like this is going to cost me.

Nightmare Before Christmas

An explanation to Jack Skellington-
my name is Sally.
I have no last name.
I was built only for one thing.
Think Frankenstein’s monster, but for love.

But like all things,
I have come to mean more to some than I was
ever intended to. Please, Jack
do not think me a broken woman.
We all come apart at the seams.

The difference is, when a part of me falls off,
I know that I can take everything I’ve ever wanted,
thread it through the needle of my dreams,
and using skills it has taken me a lifetime to learn,
I can reattach myself.

I am the opposite of a starfish.

When a part of me falls off
it does not live its own life.
no matter how long it takes
I will make it a part of me again.
Both portions better for the temporary absence.

So, Jack.
When I give you my heart,
I need you to understand,
I do it so that you will know how cold it is without you.
How sluggish I feel when you’re not here.

When I give you my left lung.
I do it so that you will always have enough oxygen
to tell me that you love me back.

When I give you my skin.
I do it so that you will finally feel comfortable
in a body you can call your own.

One day
I will take these things back.
That does not mean that I no longer love you.
It just means,
I need to know how you see me.

Toybox

Broken G.I.Joes lay scattered across my floor
long after playtime is over.
I’d already forgotten,
that mere hours ago
they had been soldiers,
they were my best friends.

Snake Eyes, it was you
who taught me how to hide.
Mostly, from myself.
you were the only G.I.Joe
who wore your mask all the time,
even when off duty.

Hawk, you were the one
who taught that the easiest way
to be truly great, is to bluster
until your actual skills
catch up to your trash talking

Scarlett, thanks to you
I still find myself all too willing
to do stupid, unnecessary things
to protect or impress
red-headed women with tattoos.

of all of my toys
the only ones without scratch marks
are my complete matching set of
teenage mutant ninja turtles action figures.

they were family
more “brothers” than my step-brothers ever could be
it was the ninja turtles who taught me
that no matter how much like a freak I felt
no matter how uncomfortable my own skin.
I would always be able to find those
who would understand-

be it a space travelling samurai rabbit
or a lonely reporter.
When people like us find each other.
We cannot settle for friendship,
have to make each other family.

I bought every power rangers toy-
never played with them,
never watched the show,
it was boring. I just needed to believe
that one day could change a child’s life,
needed to believe that if I had the
four right friends, we could save the world.

At ten, I didn’t know what the world
needed saving from, but I was convinced
it needed it so badly.
It took 23 years but I found those four friends
I thought things would be different now,
like maybe we'd have a theme song,
or matching uniforms, maybe just a secret.

I thought at least, the bandages we put
on each other’s emotional wounds
would help them heal faster,
they don’t. I fear it is my fault,
that I am not worthy of them.
I could not be built to exact specifications,
could not be pressure molded into perfection.

I am terrified that I will break as easily
in their comfort and understanding
as those action figures did in my zealous hands.
I finally realize it isn’t just
the world that needs saving. I do too.