Lou Gaglia lives and teaches in upstate New York. His stories have appeared or are forthcoming in JMWW, Rose & Thorn Journal, Stymie, Stirring, The Ear Hustler, Bartleby Snopes, Blueline, FRiGG, and others.

Suburban America (A Novel) (February 20, 2011. Issue 25.)

Part I.

A disenchanted would-be poet and his Great Dane move in. Neighbors wave hello from their yards. Several “No Trespassing” signs appear on quarter-acre lawns. A radio control plane tournament goes bad. Sour-faced town constable stops by.

Two bumbling librarians often knock heads reaching for books. Someone’s lazy beer drinking stepfather flips out of a hammock. A friendly old woman with a bum knee lives quietly with her disinterested cat. An unpopular wedding is the talk of the block. A drunken scene at the reception results. An overturned table. Multiple apologies turn into fresh arguments. Three rainy chapters in a row.

Part II.

The theft of a lawnmower. Office elevator out of order. Sarcastic repairman. Man saves woman from crazed poodle. A romance that will never work out. Not enough sun for the garden. Three hours late to a funeral. Nightmare in a dentist’s office. A rich uncle with a temper. Multiple restraining orders at several distances ordered for several characters. Cell phones that just won’t work. A fly too fast to swat with a towel. Kid insists his dog can talk.

Part III.

Too much advice from a best friend. A con man with red hair and a sardonic grin, just passing through. A kind-hearted blond-haired cop we immediately like. Torn “No Trespassing” signs. Angry constable. Very smart child who irritates adults. Deli workers compete to serve salami to the same pretty woman. A shouting match over a weather forecast. Three chapters of text messages.

Four lost Chihuahuas A rabbit that keeps getting into only one character’s garden. Laminated “No Trespassing” signs put back up. An upturned mailbox. The arrest of an innocent man. Beleaguered town constable. Elevators still out of order. Sarcastic repairman out to lunch.

Part IV.

Still no hope for the romance. A drunken rant at a party. Straight jacket not necessary. Malevolent horse fly. An out of control lawnmower. Somebody’s cousin allergic to bromine; another’s cousin allergic to lava. Poet’s new girlfriend makes stale cookies for neighbors. Three “Private Property” signs appear side-by-side. Con man gets conned by very smart kid. Blond-haired cop knew it all along. Poet moves to the big city. Cookies tossed en masse. Slick new neighbor with a Harley moves in. Tulips torn to pieces at 4:00 A.M. Purple faced constable resigns. Philosophical characters rap in a laundromat. Meryl Streep and Kevin Bacon make cameos. Someone’s lawn has turned brown. High school kid’s grandmother makes a fool of herself at his graduation. Romance might work out after all. Elevator still won’t work. Two characters decide to take the stairs.