Through what can only be described as a miraculous synergy of determination and luck, Paul Tejada has encyclopedic volumes of wild and crazy memories that he surprisingly lives to tell about. A knucklehead by trade, Paul spends his days rationalizing anything and everything. Paul believes himself to be a brilliant but evil person, though most people close to him describe him as unrelentingly passionate. He's spent all 32 years of his life in a small suburb of Los Angeles. When not working his day job as a pretty face, he spends his time absorbing whatever happens to be around him. He is currently writing a book for his hero, his mother, which fills in the blanks for her during the time he spent in prison, on the streets, and other times he was away from her while generally not being a good son.

One or The Other (July 20, 2011. Issue 29.)

One complains that I need to act my own age. The other laughs whenever I let the younger, mischievous me out to play.

One is smart and insightful. We have meaningful, adult conversations, our problems are dealt with maturely, but our affection and time spent together can only be described as decidedly dull and "grown up". The other is smart and sassy. We have fun and act crazy together, though with that comes the juvenile drama that reminds me of the innocent but sublimely irritating ignorance of a high school relationship.

One trusts me without question. The other questions every time she begins to trust me. Both have no reason to trust me at all.

I adore taking care of one because she deserves to be treated like a princess. I adore taking care of the other because she was never treated like a princess.

I have fallen for one. I think I'm falling for the other. The only thing I'm sure of: I lust for both of them.

Both have fallen for "me". Not me, but the one I make them believe is me. I've tailored who I am to sate each of their emotional and physical wants in a man, and the guy they have fallen in love with is a figment of my imagination.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I say and do things against my better judgment just to keep them happy, even if it means sacrificing my own sanity at times.

One is happily married because she thinks she's found the perfect man. The other dreams to get married because she also thinks she's found the perfect man. They're both sadly mistaken.

Everyday I live in sin. I'm okay with that. They say "don't do the crime if you can't do the time." Sad thing is, I'm starting to believe I'll be okay with the consequences, too.

A lot of people may get hurt. A lot of people will hate me. Too late. I'm already beginning to hate me.

I’ve begun to resent them both. Not because of who they are, but because neither of them can give my selfish soul everything it needs. 

I asked one, and then the other, "What would you do if you found out I was cheating on you?" Both {insert each girl's respective evil grin here} smile and say, with just the slightest hint of a psychotic tone, "Baby, I'd kill you."

And, unlike me, neither of them are liars.